in lieu of studying

February

a foot of it out,
still falling
and it feels like
winter will never end
I’m trying to find my voice
after laryngitis, streptococcus,
and sinus infections
tea, cough drops,
took antibiotics
and a lot of acetaminophen
when I had the weeklong virus
but I think it’s in the snow
covered in small talk smart jargon
screaming party conversation
and scattered in pieces
like hundreds of keys
I keep trying the lock with
but the tumblers switch
every time

I am waiting to
hear myself speak
I am waiting for time
to give me clarity
for the lock to click
and lead me to
the next room of keys

I am waiting to see my feet
on the ground again, in new grass
I always start so sure of myself